Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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