FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
