my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
