"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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