the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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