I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
