sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
