As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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