I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
