Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
