ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
he fucked my hip out of place.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
