I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
