from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
