A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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