She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
there was a trapeze. enough said
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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