The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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