I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
