I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable