wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
