Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
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Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
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At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads