your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
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I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
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I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now