lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
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bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
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If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂