am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
