I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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