jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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