shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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