Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
where are my eyebrows?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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