Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
