It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
