Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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