I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Boobs are out for the taking
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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