I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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