I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Randomize
