I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
