I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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