His pubic hair was longer than his dick
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
