A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
