dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Your penis caused this!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
