I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
