we have pet lesbian snakes
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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