The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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