You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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