He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.