Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
