my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
