I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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