i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
