the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Ketchup is God's man juice
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
