my mouth tastes like poor choices
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
