i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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