I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
