Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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