We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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