the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
