K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
