I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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