So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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