My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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