Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
