Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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