I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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