Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
