i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
