So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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