I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
