omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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