Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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