I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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