Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
