you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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