Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
