I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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