She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
its liver damage thursday
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
