Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
