She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
