what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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