you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
