Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize