i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
