Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
