I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
