I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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