i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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