I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Enjoy the penises
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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