So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
