We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
