dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
