Plan B is the new Plan A
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
