if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
